There’s a stark contrast between expressing oneself intelligently and signaling a lack of emotional intelligence.
This difference lies in self-awareness. Using certain phrases hint at a scarcity in emotional intelligence, indicating a person may not be fully aware of their language’s impact.
Let’s face it, anyone can trip up in their communication, but continually falling back on these phrases might just suggest a shortfall in emotional savvy.
In this article, I’ll be sharing ten phrases that might hint that someone could be emotionally intelligence-challenged. So stick around if you want to brush up on your emotional literacy (or spot who’s lacking it!).
1) “Calm down”
One of the most crucial pieces of emotional intelligence is understanding emotions, both our own and others’.
If you’ve ever been in a heated situation or a high-stress instance, you’ll know the last thing you want to hear is “calm down.” This phrase hardly does any good and, more often than not, only escalates the emotional temperature.
People well-versed in emotional intelligence recognize this and aim to validate the feelings of others rather than dismissing or minimizing them. They know that by saying “calm down”, they are not acknowledging the other person’s emotional state.
Additionally, this phrase can indicate a lack of empathy and a desire for control, marking it as a linguistic red flag when discerning someone’s emotional intelligence level (or lack thereof!).
So, if you often find yourself resorting to telling others to calm down, you might want to take a step back and consider an alternative approach. Maybe it’s about adjusting your language to be more empathic and validating, signalling emotional savvy rather than its absence.
2) “You’re overreacting”
Now, here’s a phrase that never fails to get under my skin – “you’re overreacting”.
I remember one instance when I was sharing a massive problem I had at work with a friend. I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and needing an understanding ear. However, instead of empathy or understanding, I got a dismissive “you’re overreacting”.
Suffice to say, it wasn’t helpful. In fact, it made me feel even more isolated and dismissed. An emotionally intelligent person would have understood the depth of my feelings, validating them rather than discounting them.
The phrase “you’re overreacting” is a classic sign of low emotional intelligence. Why? Well, it shows an inability to empathize with another person’s emotional experience, making it seem insignificant. Plus, it’s a classic deflective tactic to shut down discussions about feelings – another sign of emotional literacy shortage.
So, beware of using this phrase. Listening and offering genuine empathy is far more effective, and it’s also a strong sign of having a good dose of emotional intelligence! Trust me, I learned this lesson the hard way.
3) “Whatever”
“Whatever” is a common word we use when we’re tired, frustrated, or seeking to end a conversation. Seemingly harmless, right? Well, not quite.
Using “whatever” during arguments is considered by many people to be the most irritating conversational tactic. There’s a reason for this. The phrase itself is passive-aggressive, showing a lack of interest, engagement, or willingness to resolve issues.
From an emotional intelligence standpoint, resorting to “whatever” implies inhibitive emotional habits like avoidance or dismissal of one’s feelings. It’s the equivalent of throwing up your hands and walking away from a conversation, demonstrating an unwillingness to delve into or resolve emotional conflict.
So, next time you find the word “whatever” creeping up in your vocabulary, check yourself. Engaging productively, even in difficult conversations, is a telling sign of high emotional intelligence.
4) “I don’t care”
Saying “I don’t care” sends a pretty clear signal – you’re not interested in someone’s feelings or opinions. And that’s a classic giveaway of low emotional intelligence.
Emotionally intelligent people understand the value of connection and empathy. They care about others’ feelings and thoughts, taking them into account in their decisions and actions. When you dismiss someone’s input or feelings with an “I don’t care”, you’re essentially saying that their perspectives don’t matter to you.
Moreover, it shows a significant lack of empathy, a key aspect of emotional intelligence. It’s not about always agreeing with someone else, but respecting and acknowledging their feelings and opinions.
Think about it. No one wants to feel ignored or invalidated, right? So, if you’re prone to throwing around “I don’t care” in your conversations, you might want to rethink your communication strategy. Trust me, your emotional intelligence quotient will thank you.
5) “It’s not my fault”
Responsibility and accountability are significant parts of emotional intelligence. When you hear someone frequently say, “It’s not my fault,” it suggests a lack of these qualities.
Shifting blame onto others signifies an evasion of responsibility for one’s actions or decisions—being unable to accept responsibility means missing out on learning and personal growth opportunities, crucial aspects of emotional self-development.
Moreover, deflecting blame can strain relationships, leading to distrust and disconnection.
In contrast, emotionally intelligent individuals embrace their errors. They see them as opportunities for growth and take action to rectify these faults.
So, next time you are tempted to say, “It’s not my fault,” pause for a moment and reflect. Accepting accountability could be a valuable step towards improving your emotional intelligence.
6) “I’m fine”
Perhaps one of the most common phrases we hear, and maybe even guilty of uttering ourselves, is “I’m fine”. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with saying you’re fine, but the context matters a lot.
If you’re genuinely okay, this phrase is accurate. But, if you’re using it to mask your true feelings, especially when you’re anything but fine, it speaks volumes about your emotional intelligence.
Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware. They can identify their emotions and express them authentically. Those with low emotional intelligence, however, often have difficulty recognizing, understanding, and articulating their feelings.
So, if you’re constantly saying “I’m fine” when you’re hurt, upset, or angry, you might be unsure of how to convey your genuine feelings. This lack of emotional honesty can often lead to unresolved resentments, frustrations, and emotional disconnects.
Who knows, by admitting that we’re not always “fine”, we may find the emotional connection and support we truly need. Being honest about our feelings, even the tough ones, is a testament to high emotional intelligence and builds stronger, more trustworthy relationships.
7) “You always…”
Years ago, I was in a relationship where every argument somehow included the phrase “you always…”. Whether it was “you always forget to pick up the groceries” or “you always change the subject,” it left me feeling pigeonholed and frustrated.
Why? Because while we may unconsciously resort to using “always” during disagreements, doing so is a classic sign of low emotional intelligence. This sweeping statement shows a focus on the negative, generalizing one behavior to define a person’s entire character.
In reality, human behavior is rarely so absolute. We all change, grow, and make mistakes. The phrase “you always…” dismisses this human complexity, often escalating conflicts instead of resolving them.
A more emotionally intelligent approach? Address the specific action and express how it makes you feel, rather than defining the entire person. This shows empathy, understanding, and a readiness to resolve problems instead of exacerbating them. And trust me, it’s a game changer.
8) “I knew that”
Sometimes, it’s tempting to jump in with an “I knew that” when someone shares something with us. It makes us feel knowledgeable, right? But, surprisingly, this reflexive phrase might be an indicator of low emotional intelligence.
When we say “I knew that,” it can come across as dismissive, like you’re waving off someone else’s knowledge or insight. It can make the other person feel unheard, unappreciated, or even foolish for sharing something they found interesting or valuable.
Emotionally intelligent people have a powerful tool at their disposal: patient listening. They know the value of acknowledging the knowledge and insights of others and create space for mutual learning and growth.
So, the next time you find yourself about to say “I knew that”, you might want to reconsider. It might not be achieving what you think it is. Try expressing gratitude for the shared knowledge instead – confirming you knew it while also thanking them for sharing, creating a warm, positive interaction. Trust me, it’s a small change with a big impact.
9) “But I…”
Ever been in a conversation where, as soon as you finish your sentence, the other person immediately jumps in with “But I…”? It’s like they were just waiting for you to finish talking so they could share their thoughts. This phrase, while seemingly insignificant, can actually indicate low emotional intelligence.
The “But I…” response tends to shut down active listening, where the focus should be on understanding and empathizing with the speaker. Instead, it shifts the focus prematurely to your own perspective, often making the original speaker feel unheard or undervalued.
Emotionally intelligent people are adept at active listening, focusing on the speaker’s words before formulating their response. They understand the value of each person feeling heard and respected in a conversation.
So next time, before you jump in with a “But I…”, take a moment to digest what’s been said. Try responding in a way that confirms your understanding of their point before sharing your own, doing so can foster better, more genuinely connected conversations.
10) “You’re too sensitive”
Here’s the big one – “You’re too sensitive”. This phrase is a glaring red flag of low emotional intelligence.
Labeling others as “too sensitive” invalidates their feelings and reactions. It can make people feel small, insignificant, or that their emotions are not warranted. It’s a dismissive comment that can be damaging in both personal and professional relationships.
Emotionally intelligent individuals, instead of belittling the emotions of others, try to understand them. They validate emotions and respond with empathy. They appreciate that negating someone’s feelings does not invite open, honest communication or nurturing of trust.
At no point is it beneficial or empowering to call someone “too sensitive”. Recognizing, respecting, and accepting emotional ranges – therein lies the epitome of high emotional intelligence.